Thursday, 24 February 2011

Not going well.

Oh dear.  Its been a few days till I updated this.  Things not going well at all.  Put on 3lb at Rosemary.  You would have thought that would be the trigger I need to get back into it.  You are wrong turned into some kind of manic eating machine.  I am binging in a really bad way.  Everything seems to have gone out of control.  Gone back onto EBay and brought 3 dresses in a size too small. Had a drink every night which is not good at all.  That defiantly has to stop now.  I think my self esteem is on the floor.  Ive slipped into bad ways and every time I look in the mirror I tell myself how fat and ugly and what an awful person I am.

Sounds weired but I am kind of punishing myself with food.  I know its bad for me and I am not even enjoying the food when it goes in.

What has triggered this?  I don't know I am very stressed about all the good things coming up.  I just feel overwhelmed by it all and I am worried about where the money is coming from.  I am not so stressed about work.  I have accepted the situation is how it is and just go with the flow.  Really don't think the remark helped from someone saying they knew I wouldn't do it. 

I am just really down.  Need to give myself an enormous kick up the arse!

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